


You, me and I

by Chxrrybxmb



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Borderline Personality Disorder, Implied/Referenced Anorexia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, junmyeon centric, mentions of others - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2018-11-30 01:46:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11453415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chxrrybxmb/pseuds/Chxrrybxmb
Summary: After everything that's happened in his life, Junmyeon has been a wreck of emotions and insecurity. Suho, on the other hand, has handled everything just fine and was never emotional. The world comes crashing down





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! I want to say a few things and please read this before you read the story
> 
> 1) I'm not a mental health expert. I don't know everything about mental health disorders, more specifically personality disorders. I did my best to fully show the disorder but if I represented it wrong, then please correct me and educate me.
> 
> 2) this story has very triggering themes, so please don't read it if you're easily triggered. For your own best interest :)

He felt he finally grasped what it meant to be a leader. After his 3 brothers left, he shut down. He was just Suho and Junmyeon was forgotten. After long talks with everyone around him, Junmyeon was back and Suho was also stronger. He was happy. For the longest time in a while, he was over the moon. Things don't always last long though, and he knew that. When he noticed Yixing being busy in China all the time, he just smiled and assured everyone he was busy, but still loved EXO with all of his heart. It wasn't a lie, Yixing would do anything for them but he had his own schedules to attend to. Junmyeon was hurting to have him gone, but Suho wasn't worried in the slightest. It was a Saturday night and Yixing and Junmyeon were supposed to be having their weekly talks, but Yixing said he was busy and would have to reschedule. Suho told him to take him time and not worry about it, but Junmyeon was beyond nervous. After all, that was the 6th time he had to "reschedule." Yixing and Junmyeon had been together for over 4 years, and they've supported each other in many ways. Yixing was there when Junmyeon was lost in his role as his leader, and Junmyeon was there when Yixing was overworking himself to "fill" the missing spots. Now, Junmyeon was there to relay messages from Yixing to the group and Yixing was always too busy to talk

A part of him was mad; mad that he wasn't with them. But he knew he was being selfish. After all, most of what was going on was out of Yixing's control. It was a late Sunday night and Junmyeon was missing him dearly. Yixing was in Korea, but for drama work. Junmyeon grabbed his phone and texted him just to check

_[To: Yixing]  
22:43_

_Hey babe, heard you're in Korea! Is there a way we can meet up? I know you have to leave soon_

_[From: Yixing]  
22:58_

_Hey! Unfortunately, I don't have much free time unless I'm sleeping, I'm sorry babe. We'll try to talk another time. I gotta go!_

Junmyeon teared up, but Suho recovered and replied

_[To: Yixing]  
23:01_

_It's okay! I know you're busy, so I'm sorry for bothering you! Don't overwork yourself. Love you_!

He put his phone down but surprisingly it went off again and he picked it up

_[From: Yixing]  
23:03_

_You're not bugging me, I love you too! Is everything okay?_

"No. Nothing's okay" Junmyeon thought "I dont wanna loose another member, my boyfriend mind you and I'm being a shitty, selfish leader and a fucking terrible person and I wanna d-"

Suho responded

_[To: Yixing]  
23:07_

_Everything's fine! Don't worry about us, okay? Focus on your acting, we're right behind you always._

Suho closed his eyes and Junmyeon cried

  
"Where's Yixing, isn't he here? I thought he would be filming with us" Kyungsoo asked him on the set for their new mv.

"He said he was busy with filming other stuff, but he loves us and he wishes us luck"

"Oh," Kyungsoo deflated, but smiled softly "tell him I hope he doesn't overwork himself, and we love him too."

"I will" Suho smiled and Kyungsoo was called to set and Suho was beginning to worry that Junmyeon was, again, no more. He shook out of his thoughts to see Minseok eyeing him from where he stood, and shivers ran up Junmyeon's spine while Suho just smiled.

Truthfully, Junmyeon was never okay after Yifan left. He didn't feel betrayed, maybe a bit hurt, but more than anything he felt useless. He felt like he could've done something, but didn't. Then Luhan and Tao left and his issues really settled in. He didn't want to hurt anyone else, so he told them everything was fine and Junmyeon was tucked into a box and put away on a shelf to collect dust. In the way back of his mind, he knew something was wrong, but Suho was assured everything was fine. His inner thoughts were confirmed when he started forgetting thing about himself. It went from small things like his favorite books or movies and it escalated to forgetting his own birthday. He didn't feel too bad because the members forgot too. Junmyeon had a realization one night over everything that was happening to him. Every time he'd try to have deep thoughts to himself, Suho would join and be assured and confident. Junmyeon realized he was hiding behind a mask, a facade and that's when he vowed to be stronger and "not crazy." This led him to being overworked and underfed with new scars on his thighs. Yixing was his rock through that all, and Junmyeon thought he had gotten better but Suho said otherwise.

After all the recent issues, he vowed to be a better leader. To be strong in the face of doubt and to prove to everyone that EXO is strong no matter what.

  
"Junmyeon lets go! We're gonna be late!" Chanyeol yelled to Junmyeon

"Coming!" Suho said as he ran down the stairs and joined Chanyeol in the car

"You two are filming a new show today. I'm hoping you reviewed your scripts" The manager said and they both nodded. Suho had stayed up all night studying the script while Junmyeon was exhausted. Chanyeol nudged him and Suho looked up

"Hyung, you spaced out. You good?"

"No" Junmyeon said, but Suho was the one with the final answer

"Yup! I'm okay! Wanna go over our script just in case?"

"Sure, hyung!" And the two worked on their lines

Little things like that are what bugged Junmyeon. He wanted to speak up for himself, but Suho had to be strong and be a rock for everyone, especially Yixing. Junmyeon was already distraught but even Suho was starting to worry about everything and they couldn't keep up. They? Junmyeon thought one night when he said it, but Suho was quick to shut that thought down.

They had their teasers released for their comeback, and Junmyeon just wanted to see what everyone thought. It was simple. He went online to twitter and scanned through a few tweets and realized it was a terrible idea.

"Yixing's not there? What a shame. Suho, why didn't you work hard enough to keep him too? Another member leaving?"

"Ofc Yixing is leaving, that group is unstable"

"Yixing's doing everyone a favor. Once he leaves, Suho's true side will reveal and show how bad of a leader he is"

Junmyeon threw his phone down, sobbing. Suho was trying to block the emotions out but Junmyeon had overpowered this once so he can feel. He really didn't know why he was trusted to do anything, including being a leader

"If I can't be a good leader, I shouldn't be here" Suho said, and picked up his phone.

 _[to: EXO GC]_  
Suho  
15:35

 _Goodbye_. _Love you guys_.

 _[to: EXO GC]_  
Yeollie  
15:38

_Hyung? Did you text the wrong chat lmao_

_[to: EXO GC]_  
Yeollie  
15:40

_Hyung??_

_[to: EXO GC]_  
Xiumin  
15:43

_Junmyeon, answer your phone._

_[to: EXO GC]_  
Hunnie  
15:43

_hyung, where are you going?_

_[to: EXO GC]_  
Kyungsoo  
15:45

_What's going on?_

_[to: EXO GC]_  
Suho  
15:48

_I'm doing everyone a favor_

_[to: EXO GC]_  
Xiumin  
15:49

_Junmyeon, answer your fucking phone!_

_[to: EXO GC]_  
Yixing  
15:52

_What do you mean Jun? Please talk to me._

_[to: EXO GC]_  
Suho  
15:54

_I love you guys. I'm sorry._

Suho laughed and put the phone down, turning his ringer off. He knew there were others to text, so he went to the bathroom and filled up the bathtub as he texted them

 _[to: FanFan, Lu, and TaoTao]_  
Suho  
15:53

 _Hey guys. Sorry, this is out of the blue but I need you to do me a huge favor. You don't have to do anything if you don't want to, but I'd appreciate it. Please keep an eye on EXO and Yixing. They're not doing so well right now and they need someone stable to look up to. I love you guys_.

 _[to: FanFan, Lu, and TaoTao]_  
Lu  
15:55

_Is everything okay? Not to sound insensitive but I'm curious, why can't you do it? We'll do it, but why?_

_[to: FanFan, Lu, and TaoTao]_  
FanFan  
15:58

_Junmyeon, what's going on?_

_[to: FanFan, Lu, and TaoTao]_  
TaoTao  
16:00

_Are you okay?? I'm getting worried!_

_[to: FanFan, Lu, and TaoTao]_  
Suho  
16:03

 _I just can't do it_.

 _[to: FanFan, Lu, and TaoTao]_  
Lu  
16:04

_I just got off the phone with Minseok and they're all worried. Junmyeon, don't do anything stupid okay? We're all here for you always. Please listen to us. You don't have to do this._

_[to: FanFan, Lu, and TaoTao]_  
FanFan  
16:05

_Junmyeon, answer us. What's going on? I'm gonna be in Korea next week, do you wanna talk? We're always here for you no matter what. We love you_

_[to: FanFan, Lu, and TaoTao]_  
Suho  
16:06

_I won't be anywhere next week. Goodbye. Thanks again._

_[to: FanFan, Lu, and TaoTao]_  
TaoTao  
16:09

_Hyung!!!!!_

Suho put his phone down at the edge of the bathtub and he locked the door and climbed into the bath. His eyes closed as he breathed in heavily and Junmyeon sobbed again. After all these years, he still couldn't do anything with his life. He was always constantly plagued with bad thoughts and he was never happy. Ever. Suho was always happy, but Junmyeon was rarely happy. Suho wiped his eyes, then reached over to where he put the bottle of pills and a razor. He chuckled as he stared at the items. So typical of him. He swallowed a couple pills and went to grab the razor but someone was banging on the door. He ignored it until the person spoke up

"You're worthless, Suho! Good fucking riddance! You aren't worth it! Die!! I never loved you and no one will miss you!" The voice sounded a lot like Yixing, and Junmyeon sobbed more

He wanted to get up and fight back but he had already made it this far and Yixing was right. Junmyeon was a wreck and Suho was a terrible leader, so why stop now? He made two long cuts and sat back, smiling victoriously. Everyone got what they wanted. Yixing and Minseok busted into the bathroom, and they held the others from coming in

"Junmyeon, no!!!" Yixing yelled as he helped get him out of the bath and onto the tile. Yixing looked him over and sobbed as Minseok called 119

"No baby, no! Y-You're supposed to talk to me when you feel bad! W-Why didn't you? I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Stay awake, baby! We need you! I need you! I love you!" Yixing sobbed into Junmyeon's hair, and Junmyeon didn't know which Yixing was the real one as he passed out


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm so happy with the feedback I've gotten! Thank you for supporting this story. I'm sorry the chapters are so short, but I've been rushing to put this chapter out but I also like to keep things short but I do try to put as much as I can into chapters. I might extend it to 4 chapters but I'm not too sure. Enjoy this update!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: A small graphic mention, like a sentence or two? Injures and stuff will be mentioned too if that affects anyone. Love you guys~!

Some people say that when you die, you’re surrounded by your loved ones or you see your entire life flash before your eyes. Junmyeon didn’t notice any of those. He opened his eyes, wincing at the bright, orangish light. He wasn’t in a hospital, which was a relief in some ways. Did he succeed? He sat up, looking around to see he was in a gallery of some sort. Pictures adorned the dimly lit room, drawing Junmyeon close to the first one he saw.

It was a picture of him and his brother and parents when he was a kid. _I should’ve texted my family before I went_ he sighed sadly, but moved on. He chuckled at the pictures of him from elementary to middle school. _I looked like a massive nerd_. He moved on to another one that showed him smiling in front of SM as a high school student, holding up his file he was handed after passing the audition. His brother had went with him to the audition, treating him to food afterwards which explains the next picture; a picture of him with food all over his shirt as he laughed. He remembered his brother had sneezed really loud, scaring him mid-bite.

He moved on to pictured from when he was a trainee and he smiled fondly. Pictures of him with Minho and the rest of SHINee, Kyuhyun and others he was close to at the time had him smiling even wider. Near the end of his trainee period, he thought he wasn’t fit for it. His friends had debuted without him, he had a huge fight with Minho, and he broke his leg. Then he teared up as he saw the picture his new friend at the time, Jongin, carrying him out of the dance studio. The wall was filled of pictures of him with exo members as trainees, then he saw their debut pictures. How happy they were to finally break into the scene and after their tough training, to make it as a group. The pictures showed them all their stages up until their most recent one. He smiled happily, looking around the entire room and enjoying the relaxing feeling.

The room dimmed a bit more, revealing two lights above two doors and a timer in between them. 30 minutes started counting down and he frowned. One door shined the word _Enter Back_ and the other one shined _Exit_

 

* * *

  _I have to choose which one to go through. I’m not dead yet, but I could be…_

* * *

 

A TV shone against another wall and he walked over, gasping. It showed him in the hospital bed, all of EXO surrounding him. He was shocked to see Yifan, Luhan and Tao there as well. Another split screen showed all his closest friends in the waiting room. He looked at himself and inwardly winced. He looks pale and pretty much dead. he's never seen that much wiring in someone unless it's on a TV show. What hurt more was how the others were reacting. They were all beyond devastated to see their leader, former for some, like this. he bit his lip, frowning as he started to tear up again. They were in pain and not because he hurt them, but because they didn't want him to be in pain. Junmyeon wiped his eyes, sniffling and jumping as another sentence appeared:  

 

* * *

  _Choose wisely…_

* * *

 

Yixing has been stressed out before, been beaten down and been berated many times before. Nothing he’s ever been through (even all of it combined) has ever made him feel this bad or upset in his entire life. He was with his dancers practicing when one of them suggested he should check his phone. He noticed the texts and immediately had a bad feeling. He rushed to the dorm and ran into Minseok, who was also running to check on Junmyeon. They both got the door open and both had to see Junmyeon like ‘that’. Yixing never wanted to cry so hard until now. Having to hold Junmyeon’s wrists together in order to keep him alive and responsive was haunting. Yixing sat there, slowly getting covered in blood as they waited for the ambulance to come. Minseok noticed the pill bottle and tried getting him to throw up. Yixing was sobbing while Minseok was screaming in anger. The ambulance finally came and doctors took him away, but they had drawn a crowd. Walking to their van covered in blood and blinded by camera flashes were not ideal, and Yixing wanted to punch every photographer there but he had no motivation. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo did get in their face though, which Yixing was silently thankful for.

The car ride to the hospital was tense and silent. No one spoke and there were some muffled cries from the members. The managers were on the phone with the company and giving them all water to try to get them to calm down. Minseok was angrily whispering over the phone with someone… he was assuming it was Luhan if Junmyeon’s texting history was anything to go by. Getting into the hospital was just as taxing as leaving the dorm. News stations and fans were already staked outside, cameras flashing and questions being hurled at them like rapid fire. They had to wait in the general waiting room while they got the VIP waiting room ready, so more pictures and videos were taken. They tried to keep a straight face and stay calm so the cameras didn’t pick anything up, but when they all saw Junmyeon being carted into the ER they collectively lost it. Some of them were crying silently, sobbing loudly, or seething in anger and pure rage.

“VIP room is open, you guys can go now”

They were finally led to the vip waiting room and Minseok sighed in relief, trying not to punch (another) wall. Thankfully, Junmyeon is an AB blood type so anyone could donate, so Jongdae ended up donating his blood. Waiting was even harder… There was no news about any updates on his condition, and everyone was on edge. Junmyeon’s closest friends have started to show up as well.

“Any updates?” The members looked up to see Luhan walk in with Yifan following him, both looking disheveled and insanely worried. They had a quick reunion before explaining everything.

“Are you okay, Xing?” Luhan asked quietly to a silent Yixing. His shirt and hands were still covered in blood and he was currently staring off into space.

“Xing… c’mon” Yifan nudged him gently

“Huh? Hey guys! Where’s Tao?” He smiled softly

“He’s on his way but you didn’t answer my question. Xing… are you okay?”

“Nope. Not at all.” Yixing said softly, wiping his hands on his thighs. Yifan tutted and got up, coming back with paper towels and warm water and made gentle work on his hands.

“Lu? Why is Minseok so angry?” Yixing asked, holding his hands and arms out for Yifan. Luhan sighed softly, leaning back.

“He said he’s mad at Junmyeon for not talking to him or saying anything, but I think he’s more mad at himself for not noticing something was wrong with Junmyeon. He feels like he was a bad friend and hyung for not being able to tell something was wrong. He’s also really worried about everyone else and is basically taking the leader role right now and it’s stressing him out,” Luhan squeezed his shoulder, “but he’ll calm down and talk to Junmyeon then be fine. He’s taking on too much right now”

“I can hear you thinking, Xing. What are you thinking?” Yifan spoke up after coming back from throwing the paper towels away

“Just… What happened to have him get to this point? I just… I want to understand but I can’t. I don’t get it.” He sighed softly, and Luhan rubbed his back

“Only his members are allowed in right now. Managers have been informed about the situation and someone else will come update his other friends. Follow me.” The ten of them made their way to the room when Tao ran up, confused. Sehun hugged him close a the doctor started explaining.

“Just in time, I’m going to explain. I’ll explain the obvious, first. We sutured his wrists and pumped his stomach.There are past scars and incisions that shows this has been an ongoing thing. We won’t know for sure until we do a psych exam, but what we can assume as of now he has severe depression and from what we’ve heard from managers there might be an underlying personality disorder. He’s currently asleep and he might wake up soon. If he does, please try not to startle him or stress him out. Stay calm and try not to ask him too many questions that might affect his state of mind.” They walked in and Yixing almost collapsed. His lover was pale and his veins were dark in contrast to his skin tone. His wrists were bandaged and he had a tube down his throat that was connected to a ventilator, and wires practically surrounded his arms and chest.

“D-does he really need this much stuff? I-Is it really this bad?” Kyungsoo asked, looking like he was about to burst into tears. Chanyeol pulled him into a hug, comforting him while tears trickled down his own cheeks.

“Dammit Junmyeon,” Minseok hissed, wiping his eyes and was the first to move to sit next to him, “you really messed up this time… how could anything be so bad you thought this would be better than just fucking speaking up!” He sighed, putting his head in his hands as Luhan came up to rub his shoulders. Everyone slowly made themselves comfortable in the room, surrounding Junmyeon. Yixing didn’t move until someone, he assumes Yifan, led him to sit next to Junmyeon. He instinctively reached to hold his hand, rubbing his thumb over the knuckles. Everyone was silent, save for sniffles and coughs.

“You know… it might seem weird but I heard if you talk to people w-while they’re comatose, they can hear you.” Baekhyun muttered softly.

“That’s only in TV shows” Sehun chuckled

“No, its real. The doctor told us that when my cousin was in the hospital” Jongin said, and everyone pondered about it.

“Well…? Who’s going to go first?”

 

* * *

  _Junmyeon? Can you hear me?_

* * *

 

 _That sounds like Yifan… what?_ Junmyeon sat up, confused. He still had about 20 minutes left and there wasn’t any other noises he could hear so it sort of startled him.

 _“So… this seems kinda weird because I don’t know if you can hear me and if this is pretty useless- ow,”_ Junmyeon looked around, trying to find the source of the voice and chuckling

“ _Luhan hit me, and if you were here you’d calmly tell him to fuck off. So uh… please wake up so you could do that. And we really need you. We all do. Don’t ever think you’re irreplaceable. You mean the world to us. We love you so much.”_

Junmyeon sighed, smiling softly as he was drawn to the TV that has them shown in the hospital room. Everyone was surrounding him and he was in shock. He didn’t think that everyone, including the former members, would actually show up or care like they did. He heard some more thoughts from the members then truly paid attention when Yixing started talking

_“Hey baby… I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I truly am. I unintentionally pushed you to the side but not because I didn’t want you around, but because I didn’t want you worrying about me at all. You have so much on your plate and I never wanted you to have excess stress because of me. You mean the world to me and I hope you know I love you so much. I was… I was going to take you out in a couple days a-and propose to you. I know it seems so much and so soon but I am 100% confident in the fact I want you with me forever. We can’t get married until everything settles down, but I wanted you to know that you are my fiancee and that we will always be together… But i can’t give you your ring or kiss you until you wake up. S-So please… wake up soon” Yixing finished with a sob_

 

Junmyeon was also sobbing, wiping his eyes as he looked around. The timer was at 1 minute. He stood up and wiped his eyes, looking at the tv with all the members with a smile, then headed to the door he finally decided was the right way.


	3. Chapter 3

Yixing hates rain. He hates rain more than most things. It makes his mood sad and worse than it already is. Especially today. Out of all days, today was the worst day for rain. The flowers and small bunny he brought were completely soaked through. He knew Junmyeon couldn’t mind, but it’s the thought that counts. The other stuff that everyone else had brought for him were also soaked. They didn’t expect any different, since they were outside, but were still annoyed at this fact. It’s been a week since That Day, and they were all trying to recover in their own ways.  Yifan, Luhan, and Zitao have decided to camp out in the dorm until everything calms down and everyone is okay. Yifan has already considered buying an apartment close to them so he can come by anytime he’s free or is needed. It was a long drive here - Yifan got them lost multiple times because they decided to all forgo their phones at home due to people blowing up their phones asking questions, so they didn’t have any GPS and relied on an outdated map - but they made it and walked up to their destination. The tension was thick, and could be cut with a knife, but once they reached their destination, it seemed to fade away.

 

“Wow… this place is beautiful.” Minseok speaks up. It was a small, unknown hill that shows off the skyline of Seoul while on the other side shows the beautiful countryside

“It really is the best of both worlds, if you think about it” Jongdae chuckles softly, holding the flowers he brought close.

“When is everyone else coming?” Sehun asks as he sat on a bench then hisses loudly when he feels water soaking through his pants. Tao, however, finds this hilarious and tries taking pictures.

“Taemin said they should be here in a couple minutes. They actually have a GPS, and found this place quickly!” Jongin says with a pointed glare at Yifan, who scoffs.

“If anyone else had drove, we wouldn’t be here right now”

“Because we would’ve done what we needed to do. It wouldn’t have taken us almost two hours for a 45 minute drive.” Yixing finally spoke up, and everyone turned to him.

“Well… okay you’re right” Yifan mumbles, sending him a soft smile as everyone chuckled softly. They hear some more laughter and look to see most of their friends making it up the hill.

“Heechul got us lost, but luckily Seungwan had her phone, so we used a GPS” Youngho laughs softly

“See?! I wasn’t the only one!” Yifan yells and high fives Heechul as everyone starts mingling.

“How are you feeling, buddy?” Yixing turns to smile at Minho, giving him a brief hug

“Uhm… I’ve felt better” He chuckles softly, watching everyone with a wide smile as the mood was bright. Luhan moved to stand in front of everyone, clearing his throat loud enough to gather every ones attention.

“Hey so uhh… hi guys. It’s been awhile since we all last saw each other. I know… I know everyone must be dealing with their own things but I’m glad we could all be here. Does uhh… does anyone want to start? I’m sure everyone would really appreciate it.” No one moved, too deep in thought. Siwon silently went to the front and started a small speech. Yixing tuned it out, looking down as people slowly took their turns to talk. He heard someone's throat clear then look up to see everyone staring at him

“Do you… do you wanna say something?” Luhan asks softly and Yixing sighs, silently going to the front and sighs, trying to think of what to say. Memories hit him in a flash and he starts to reminisce

 

-

 

_“E-Excuse me? Are you okay?” Yixing wipes his eyes to see concerned eyes staring at him. He nods slowly and the stranger squats down in front of him and hands him a couple tissues, wiping his eyes for him._

_“What’s your name?” Yixing loved his voice. He didn’t know who this person was but he loves his voice so much._

_“Z-Zhang Yixing…” He mumbles softly_

_“What a pretty name! My names Kim Junmyeon. Are you a-alright?” Yixing didn’t usually tell people his issues, but it all came raveling out for some reason. He rants about missing China, being stressed out, not having many friends, and Junmyeon nods his head, intently listening._

_“Well, I’d love to be your friend! And we can find ways to make you feel more at home here, and you can write to your family!” He smiles widely and holds his hand out for Yixing. He doesn’t know why, but he takes it without hesitation and Junmyeon rambles about this restaurant he likes and how he’ll pay. If Yixing can’t find any more friends, then it’s okay, Junmyeon is more than enough._

 

_-_

 

_“W-We did it, Yixing! We made it!” Junmyeon comes into Yixing’s room, screaming. He shoots up and Junmyeon hands him a paper and his eyes widen._

 

_New Boy Group: EXO_

_Leader:Kim Junmyeon_

_Co-Leader: Wu Yifan_

_Subunit EXO-K_

_Kim Junmyeon: Suho (leader, vocals)_

_Byun Baekhyun (vocals)_

_Park Chanyeol (rap)_

_Do Kyungsoo: D.O (vocals)_

_Kim Jongin: Kai (dance, vocals)_

_Oh Sehun (dance, rap)_

_Subunit EXO-M_

_Kim Minseok: Xiumin (vocals)_

_Lu Han: Luhan (vocals, dance)_

_Wu Yifan: Kris (leader, rap)_

_Zhang Yixing: Lay (vocals, dance)_

_Kim Jongdae: Chen (vocals)_

_Huang Zitao: Tao (rap)_

 

_“Is… this is r-real?”_

_“Yes! I-Its real! We start training next week!” Junmyeon yells excitedly and Yixing can see relief, excitement and pure joy. Yixing stands up and hugs Junmyeon tight, laughing and yelling along with him._

_Yixing trained for four years and he had his doubts but Junmyeon… Junmyeon trained for 6 ½. 6 ½ years of not knowing when- if -he was going to debut. Watching his friends debut before him and injuries that left him unable to do anything. Yixing looks down at him with pride. He’s happy to finally make it, but he’s even happier for Junmyeon. He knew right in that moment he wanted to do everything and everything he could to protect him. To make him happy and to make sure he was healthy. Then it bloomed_

 

_-_

 

_“Xing come on, you’ve practiced enough. Let’s go back to the dorm.” The music stopped and Yixing stopped to catch his breath, looking up in the mirror to see a tired Junmyeon covering his head with a towel and handing him water. Yixing drank it quickly, wiping his sweaty hair with the towel before standing up straight and wincing. He was gonna be so sore. He leads Junmyeon out, who wraps arms around him to support him. Yixing leans into it and sighs happily as the cool night air hits them. He looks down at Junmyeon and frowns as it finally clicks how tired he looks. The Junmyeon who stayed up late to make sure everyone was asleep and to finish his work, the Junmyeon who woke up hours before him to make sure everyone's stuff was ready so they could sleep in that extra half an hour, the Junmyeon who works harder than most just to prove his spot and set an example, the Junmyeon who stands up for the group at the risk of being yelled at or punished for something he didn’t do. Yixing suddenly stops and faces him, Junmyeon looks up confused._

_“Is there something wrong? Do you need anything?”  Junmyeon asks and Yixing flinches when he hears the hidden strain in his voice_

_“Thank you… thank you for everything”_

_“For carrying you? It wasn’t that bi-”_

_“But you always carry me. Carry us. You carry all of us no matter what, even if you’re tired. You’re obviously exhausted right now but you’re here late, taking care of me and making sure I’m okay. You’re gonna go home, take care of everyone else then stay up late to finish work and then finally shower because you always volunteer to shower last. Tomorrow will be different. We’re all taking care of you tomorrow. We love and appreciate you so much. I uh.. I love you so much” Junmyeon looks down and bites his lip_

_“I just want to make sure you all are happy. I love you guys too… love you t-too but- nevermind”_

_“But what?”_

_“I just… I really love you. Like, a lot”_

_“Junmyeon, do you think I would just single myself out and say I love you for no reason?” he raises his eyebrow and Junmyeon’s eyes widen_

_“You… y-you? You love me b-” Yixing cuts him off and kisses him softly, caressing his cheeks and pulling him close. Junmyeon gasps in shock, but slowly kisses back and the two sit there under the street light, blocking out the dark world around them as they only focus on each other, and what they finally have. Love._

_-_

 

“What I want you all to get out of that… is to never forget the good moments with our precious Junmyeon. They’re what keep him alive…” The crowd flinches as someone finally acknowledges why they’re all there. “If he… if he were watching and saw us crying over him and being depressed, he’d feel bad and blame himself. He had his reasons for leaving, but there’s not a single doubt about his love for me, for us.” He turns then leaves the small bunny and flowers against the small mound of dirt on the hill, fixing the bunny’s necklace so it could reveal a ring. He smiles sadly then walks away with his head down. Someone holds him close as Luhan keeps talking and Yixing blocks it all out, burying his head into the person's chest and finally letting it all out. His cheeks were soaking wet, but everyone knew it wasn’t the rain’s doing.

 

* * *

 

They made it home and Yixing trudged to their- his room, collapsing against the bed then curls up tight and sobs softly. He felt so lost without his precious Junmyeon. He hugs his pillow tight, frowning when something scratches his cheek. He wipes his eyes and picks up the offending object to find a letter addressed to him. He sits up and opens it slowly, pulling the piece of paper out and reading it

 

_My dear Xing Xing_

_If you’re reading this, it means I have passed. I know you must be upset, but please don’t cry too much but don’t block and board up your emotions from everyone. We all love you and I love you so much. Please don’t blame yourself for my dear, you are no way in fault. I’m sorry I couldn’t be strong enough. I love you so much and you’re so dedicated, hard working, and caring person I know. Please, never give up and live your life to the fullest_

_Love, Junmyeon_

_Ps. keep the ring for now~_

 

Yixing grips the note close and Junmyeon’s pillow, sobbing hysterically. He misses him so so much. He lost track of time and falls asleep, tears still streaming down his cheeks.

 

* * *

 

“Xing. C’mon” Yixing felt someone poking at his back and he frowns, turning over and rubbing his eyes. He blinks to try to gain his focus back and saw someone in his room holding two bags

“H-Huh?”

“C’mon get up, we gotta go if we don’t wanna get caught”

“Caught?” He rubs his eyes as the person grabs his hand and leads him to their car. He tries fighting back but the hand feels so familiar. No….

“Junmyeon?” The man turns to him once they’re in the car with a bright smile on  his face

“Let’s go, Yixing. Let’s go live the life we want” Yixing pinches his arm and winces, then looks at him with so much love and adoration in his eyes. Junmyeon was real and alive. Junmyeon was living and breathing and smiling and sitting in front of him. Yixing launches forward and hugs him tight, sobbing but this time it was in happiness

"Why? W-Why? I thought you were dead! I thought you left"

"I needed to fake it in order for up to live happily. I just talked to the members and they know, but they're the only ones who know. Not even the managers. Everything will be okay. I'm okay, and I'm gonna be regularly doing online therapy. I think you should go to" Yixing's eyes widen, then a small smile blooms on his face

“Then what are w-we waiting for?” He finally speaks up, and Junmyeon grabs his hand tight and the two drive off. Where? Only fate knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT~ Thank you for the support and love throughout writing this whole thing. It truly means a lot
> 
> If anyone wants an alternate ending or wants me to write about another aspect that you think I missed, I'd be more than happy to write some filler chapters :) As of right now I'm thinking of writing a chapter of Junmyeon's recovery of his personality disorder so if that's something you'd like to read, then comment or let me know!


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